Fifty Shades for Life
by Emily.Writes.Anything
Summary: Continuation from the end of Fifty Shades Freed, before the epilogue. Ana and Christian learn more about one another as they get used to the idea of being parents, however Anastasia also learns more about Christian's ex-subs. Rated MA, (attempted to be) Written in the style of E.L James.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Hi everyone and thank you for taking the time out to read my story. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who suffered severe post-story-depression after I finished the Fifty Shades trilogy, and after reading the series for a second time I thought I would attempt to continue the story where it leaves off. I would like everyone to know that the narrative voice I use in this story is not my own, however it is my attempt to copy the style of E L James so that the final book and this fanfiction flow together. I will be updating this fanfiction every few days to a week depending on my schedule and the length of the chapter. Please leave a comment if there is anything you wish to see, or if you just want to give me your feedback on the story! I'd love that! Thank you once again for taking the time out to read my story. I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

"Once inside, kneel like I've shown you"

Christian's tone pulls at an ache deep in my belly. My inner goddess is already kneeling, with her legs spread, inside the playroom.

"Yes, sir." I respond, and I realize how badly I want to please my husband. To obey him.

_Almost as much as you like to disobey him_, my subconscious sneers, and I know she's right. I've made him worry so much in the past few days.

I look up, and Christian is eyeing me with curiosity, an eyebrow raised as he gives me his best Anastasia-what-could-you-possibly-be-worrying-about-now look. I quickly avert eye contact and dart into the room.

Christian closes the door behind me, leaving me alone in the room. I quickly dispose of my blue camisole and kneel like he showed me. I try to count how many times I have been in this position, and my inner goddess shakes her head at me, as if to say _not enough._

I quickly scan the room, the bed with red satin sheets, the museum like chests filled with toys I couldn't even name, the big cross on the wall, with restraints on each corner...

I quickly avert my eyes, remembering the last time I was shackled there. When I had to safe-word Christian.

I take a deep breath. Why am I so nervous? The air smells familiar, of citrus and hardwood, and I start to relax as the door opens.

I quickly avert my eyes to the floor, and self-consciously spread my legs a little further for my husband. I can feel Christian's eyes bore into me, and I see his bare feet in front of me, imagining how those jeans must look, hanging off of his hips the way they do.

"Stand up. You can look at me."

My eyes are the first to rise, looking over his frame hungrily. I was right, his faded blue jeans are hanging of his hips, stirring my libido. His happy trail leads up his perfect sculpted frame and branches into his chest hair. As my eyes travel to Christian's face I am struck by his beauty - his chiselled jawline, his soft, pink lips, his messy hair, but mostly, his grey eyes that stare into mine.

He looks at me with an unreadable expression, but the bulge already present in his jeans tell me that he wants me. That I turn him on, and I as well as my inner goddess are smiling.

Christian's lips raise in a half smile, and I find myself smiling stupidly at him.

"Something funny, Mrs. Grey?"

"Not at all, Mr. Grey."

He cocks his head to the side as he takes a good look at me, crouching down so he is beside my ear.

"Well if that's the case, then I think I told you to stand up. And that wasn't a request."

Oh!

I flush and rise to my feet, Christian is eyeing me hungrily and a fire starts deep in my belly. He raises a hand and slowly caresses his fingers over my cheek, down my throat and over my collarbone. I shiver with his touch and a smirk touches his lips as he tilts his head once more.

"Still, Anastasia. I want you to be still."

He moves his fingers to the back of my neck and fists a handful of my hair, pulling my head back as he leans in towards me, his breath hot on my neck as he nips my earlobe.

"Or I will force you to be."

Desire pools in my stomach with his words, and I have to force myself to be still. Christian continues to run his fingers over my body, causing Goosebumps to form over my skin. He moves his fingers over my chest, feather light, causing my nipples to harden. He then moves his fingers down over my stomach and, finally, into my underwear, cupping my sex. I can't resist the hum that escapes me.

"Quiet, Anastasia," Christian says to me, his voice stern. I go silent as Christian thrusts a finger into me. "And stop biting that lip." His voice is a low growl.

"Yes, Sir." My voice is not my own. It is of a higher register, and it is filled with need.

Christian moves his finger slowly in and out of me. I close my eyes as I already feel myself building, ascending to the point of utter pleasure that only he can take me to. He quickly pulls his fingers away from me and I am left hanging.

"On the bed, Anastasia." My name rolls off his tongue, each syllable distinctively pronounced. I do as I am told, but not before Christian slips my fingers into his mouth, his eyes locked to mine. It makes me weak at the knees.

I venture over to the huge bed, aware of Christian following behind me. I stand at the foot of the bed, waiting for further instructions. Before I know it, Christian is removing my panties. They drop to the floor and I know Christian is eyeing me hungrily, even though my back is to him.

"Knees and chest on the bed, baby, hands behind your back."

I do as I am told and am soon on the bed, my face turned to the side against the soft satin sheets, my behind in the air for my husband. I put my hands behind my back and Christian takes our usual blindfold, securing it over my eyes. I listen to him as he goes to the set of drawers, pulling out various things that I cannot see.

"I'm going to be doing some things that are a little different today, baby." Christian's words peak my interest. "If I do anything that you don't like, just tell me to stop."

"Yes, Sir." I murmur, and I feel harsh rope bind my wrists.

"The rope won't hurt unless you fight it, Anastasia, do you understand?"

I nod as I test my bindings, the rough material rubbing against my skin as I do so. Soon I am met with a slap on my ass, I yelp.

"What was that, Anastasia?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good girl."

I hear Christian walk away from me once more, leaving me tied up and needy. The speakers start playing a soft guitar tune and I'm curious of what exactly it is. Soon, Christian is once again standing beside me.

"I'm going to use something new on you today, Anastasia. These are candles, but they are made to burn at very low temperatures"

_Fuck!_ I quickly become nervous about this idea.

"I know you're nervous," Christian starts, with his uncanny ability to read my mind. "But these melt at such a low temperature that they won't burn you. They're made for this."

"Okay." I begin to relax with his explanation and soon I hear the click of a lighter.

"Relax, Anastasia" he murmurs, and lets the first drop of wax fall on my skin.

_Shit!_ It burns, but Christian is right, the slight pain is only quick, and I the pain has already receded to nothing. Christian lets another few drops fall, and I pull at my bindings in reflex.

The rope bites into my skin and I let out a small cry, the mix of the two sensations crowding my mind, and I am surprised when I feel a tingle at the apex of my thighs. _I like this!_

After a few more drops of wax, I hear Christian blow out the candle.

"Oh, Ana…" His voice is almost a moan. "You look so beautiful like this."

I feel a blush wash over my skin and feel his fingers travel down my sloped back, my skin extra sensitive from the candle wax. He stops when he reaches my lower back and then grabs my ass.

"You. Are. Mine." He says, and it no longer sounds like a threat, but instead a promise.

"Yes" I breathe, and that's all I can say as his hands travel down and he slips two fingers into me. I gasp.

"Always so ready, Mrs. Grey."

Once again he starts thrusting his fingers, in and out, and I groan in response. He pulls his fingers out of me and travels them upwards, tracing his now wet fingers around my anus, lubricating me with my own arousal. I briefly wonder if he is going to fuck my ass, and I cringe. I know he can tell that I am nervous and he speaks up.

"These are anal beads," He starts, and I picture the long string of beads that he showed me the first time we went through his drawers. I remember how long the string was and I start to get nervous.

"I will only give you as much as you can take, Ana. Just tell me to stop if you feel uncomfortable."

I am still unsure, but I trust him.

"Yes, Sir."

I hear him untwisting a cap, and then I feel a cold liquid being rubbed against me. I know it is lubricant. A few moments later, the end of the string of beads is pressed against my anus.

"I need you to relax for me, baby." His voice is softer than before, and I feel his fingers start to circle my clitoris. I let out an involuntary moan as my muscles relax and I feel him insert the first bead into me.

He continues to rub me, and I count as he pushes the beads into me. The feeling is foreign, but not unpleasant. He stops pushing once five of the beads are inside me. I know there are more.

"Are you okay for one more, baby?" He stops rubbing as he speaks to me.

I nod and feel him push one last bead of the string inside of me, this one noticeably larger than the others. He then slowly twists the beads left, and then right, while still rubbing me in my most pleasurable spot.

"Fuck!" I cry out, overwhelmed by the sensation. I feel weight at the end of the bed, and then I feel the warmth of Christian's body mounting mine. He teases me, rubbing the tip of his hardened length over my clitoris and I cry out before he moves back and thrusts himself into me.

I feel the anal beads as he moves inside of me. My wrists burn as I strain against my bindings.

"Fuck, baby..." Christian moans down into my ear as his hands rest on either side of me. "This is going to be quick."

He starts thrusting at a steady pace and I completely give up rational thought as I become completely sensation. As I start to build, Christian's thrusts quicken, and he moves one hand around to rub my clitoris once more. I cry out with the pleasure, and I can feel my orgasm coming faster and faster. Christian's breath is hot on my neck.

"Come on, Ana! Give it to me!"

I explode around him, screaming out an incoherent version of his name as my orgasm wracks through my body. Christian gives one last strong thrust as he finds his release, pulling the anal beads out of me simultaneously, which pulls me into yet another orgasm.

"Fuck!"

Soon, Christian is removing my blindfold and he looks at me with a smirk at the corners of his lips. His breathing is deep and heavy as he moves to untie the rope from my wrists.

"Did I hurt you, baby?" Christian laughs, and I can't help but giggle.

_No, Christian, that was anything but painful._

"Is something funny, Mrs. Grey?"

"No, Mr. Grey."

Christian gets up to get me my robe, and I sit up, finally looking down at my wrists. They are not as red as the handcuffs made them on our honeymoon, and I am grateful. Christian moves to me and helps me put on the robe, fastening the belt around my wrist.

* * *

It is late, and Christian and I are lying in bed, wrapped up in each others limbs. My head rests on his chest and I am reminded of a time when he wouldn't let me do this. A time when my husband didn't know what being in love was like.

_Well neither did you, _my subconscious interjects, and I know she is right.

"You're rather quiet, Mrs. Grey."

"I'm thinking, Mr. Grey."

Christian turns on his side to look at me. He pushes a strand of my hair away from my face and tucks it behind my ear, eyeing me with those beautiful grey eyes of his.

"And what is my beautiful wife thinking about?"

"What did you mean when you told me I was 'topping from the bottom' earlier? Before we went into the, uh, playroom?" I ask. That phrase has stuck with me and has made me curious about what he possibly could have meant. Christian chuckles.

"It's just a phrase that means that someone in the submissive position is actually the one in charge. Like you." He leans in to give me a chaste kiss on the lips. I frown.

"It's not a bad thing, Anastasia. I like when you tell me what you want."

_Oh!_

Christian kisses me on the forehead and pulls me closer into his arms. I take a deep breath as I nuzzle my face into his chest hair. He smells like Christian. My fifty shades.

"Sleep, Anastasia." Christian mumbles against my hair, and for once I completely obey, falling into a tired sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning I wake up tangled up in Christian. My body temperature is much too high, and my bruised ribs radiate pain through my body. I wonder why I didn't notice that yesterday.

_Probably because you were too busy in the playroom with Christan_, my subconscious glares at me, and it takes all I have to suppress a giggle. A warm shower would do me well, but I don't want to wake my husband. Carefully, I try to lift Christian's arm and slip out of his grasp, but as I do so, his eyes flutter open and sleepy gray eyes find mine.

"Going somewhere, Mrs. Grey?" Christian asks me, his just-fucked hair in disarray.

"I was just going to shower, and then I was going to go to work." I mumble, hiding that I am in pain, and hoping that Christian will finally let me leave the house.

"Work? Ana…" His mouth forms a firm line as he looks at me, now wide awake. "The doctor said you needed a full week."

I sigh in exasperation.

"I know, Christian, but I like my job."

"More than you like being in bed with me?" Christian raises one of his eyebrows and flashes me a boyish smirk, for once looking his age.

"I feel like I'm never there, Christian. I haven't had the position for long, and I've taken so much time off already."

Christian's lips turn to a frown as he contemplates what I've said. His expression is unreadable.

"How about a half day?"

_He's reasoning with me!_ That's a first.

"I can do a half day." I respond, happy that he is willing to meet half way with me.

"But I want something in return, Mrs. Grey."

* * *

An hour later I am finally leaving Escala, already worn out by the morning shower sex with Christian. Taylor is driving me, and Christian has insisted on riding along even though he is working from home today. We drive through the city in the Audi SUV, Christian holding my hand as we take the familiar route to work.

"Are your ribs feeling okay, Ana?"

"Yes I'm fine." I murmer. Although my ribs do hurt, I don't want to worry Christian.

A few minutes later we pull up in front of SIP, and Christian gets out to open my door. I offer him a smile and a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Have a wonderful day, Mrs. Grey."

"You too, Mr. Grey."

* * *

Hannah looks surprised as she sees me walk into the office and I give her a warm smile. It's nice to be back, despite what has happened because of this job. It's time to start fresh.

"Mrs. Grey! I wasn't expecting you back so soon!"

"How many times do I have to tell you, you can call me Ana." My tone is light, and I am wearing a smile on my lips.

"Oh, sorry, Ana."

Hannah stands up as I head for my office.

"Would you like a tea, Ma'am?"

"That would be great, thank you, Hannah."

Once I sit down in my office I start to read through a few of the manuscripts I had left when I was out of work sick. About an hour into it, I take a break to read the stack of mail which had been left for me.

When I finish sorting through the mail only one letter remains. There is no addresses, just my name, meaning it must have been dropped off right at the reception desk, as they wouldn't have accepted it through the normal post. Inside there is a letter written on a simple piece of printer paper.

**I will be there soon to help you.**

The short note sends shivers through my body, although I don't know why. The letter is neatly written, and I stuff it in the envelope as my mouth goes dry.

_Who could have sent this?_

My thoughts are cut off by the ring of the telephone, and I physically jump. _Get a grip!_ I quickly grab the receiver and pull it to my ear.

"Anastasia Grey, Commissions editor at Seattle Independent Publishing, how may I help you?"

"Ana! It's Kate!"

"Kate? Why are you calling me at work, you have my cellphone number."

"I tried calling, but it went straight to voicemail."

I fish my blackberry out of my purse to find that she is right, it is completely out of batteries.

"You're right, it's dead. Well, what do you want?"

Kate sounds more than giddy on the other line.

"Okay! What do you think the chances are of your husband letting you spend a weekend in the carribian with me? I feel like we have no time together anymore!"

I rub my forehead in exhaustion. What will Christian think?

_He'll never approve._

But I know Kate is right. The girl I used to see every single day has become a distant part of my life, and the truth is that I miss her.

"I'll talk to him."

"Good, because I already booked the tickets for two weekends from now!"

"What!? Kate!"

"Bye, Ana!"

And with that, Kate hangs up. I boot up my email and send Christian a message, deciding there is no better time than the present than to ask for a weekend out of the country.

From: Anastasia Grey

Subject: Just a quick request

Date: September 26, 2011 10:29

To: Christian Grey

Kate just called me and asked if I was free to go to the Caribbean in two weekends. I'm just giving you the heads up.

Yours always, Ana x

Anastasia Grey

Commissioning Editor, SIP.

A few minutes later I receive a reply.

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Telling me this over email?

Date: September 26, 2011 10:32

To: Anastasia Grey

I don't understand why you always insist on bringing up issues like this over email. I will talk to you tonight.

Christian Grey, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

I take a deep sigh as I close the email. I know by his tone that he is not happy, and that he is less than thrilled about me going away for the weekend.

I finish up with my work, the strange letter now forgotten on my desk, and as noon rolls around I am locking up my office and meeting Christian downstairs in the lobby.

"Hi." I look up at Christian nervously, curious but also worried about how he will react to my request for a vacation with Kate.

"Hi" Christian replies, his voice stern as he takes my hand. "Ready to head home and rest?"

The truth is that I am grateful Christian made me take a half day, as I am already drained by the work I have already put in today. As we drive through the streets of Seattle, I finally break the silence.

"Christian, I really want to go away with Kate."

"You'll take security." He snaps, and I watch his jaw clench with utter disbelief. "And you will keep in close contact with me throughout the trip, do you understand?"

I am in utter shock. _He's actually going to let me go? How un-fifty of him_. The sheer joy that washes over my face seems to relax Christian, and I envelop him in a tight embrace.

"Oh, thank you, Christian!"

"Thank me? Ana, you're an adult."

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time you have controlled where I go and what I do."

Now it's Christian's time to smile.

"Very true as always, Mrs. Grey."

After dinner Christian retreats to his office and I wonder if I should bother telling him about the letter I received at work.

_For all you know, you could have completely misinterpreted it. _

Besides, it's not like the letter was menicing. I decide not to worry Christian further about it, and I instead grab Christian a glass of wine, bringing it to his office. From the other side of the door I can hear him talking on the phone.

"She's safe, right? She's still seeing a psychiatrist?"

For a brief moment I wonder if he is talking about Leela.

"Well I'm glad she's out of the institution. Keep me posted."

Institution? I didn't think Leela was ever put into an institution.

I wait a few moments before I walk into Christian's office, setting the wine in front of him before I wrap my arms around him from behind.

"It's getting late. Are you thinking of coming to bed soon?"

"I just have a few more calls to make, baby." Christian looks up at me, a smirk gracing his features. "And then I'm all yours."

I nod and give him a chaste kiss on the cheek before heading upstairs and changing into one of Christian's shirts, pulling on a pair of my comfier pairs of cotton underwear before lying in bed.

My ribs feel considerably better than they did this morning, and I am happy to finally be able to take deep breaths again. My inner goddess smirks at me. _That will come in handy._

I push away my wayward thoughts.

Soon Christian walks into the room, eyeing me up and down like a hungry tiger.

"See something you like, Mr. Grey?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, Mrs. Grey." He smirks at me, playing hard to get.

Christian changes into sweatpants, but he does so agonizingly slowly. My inner goddess is drooling by the time he joins me in bed, kissing me chastely on the lips.

"Well, goodnight Anastasia." His lips savour my name, and somehow just his words cause my arousal. As he turns off the bedside lamp I become fidgety, and in the darkness I scoot over towards my husband.

"Sleeping already, Christian?"

"What else does one do in bed, Anastasia?" As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I see the smirk on his lips as he plays innocent. I lean in and kiss the smirk off of his face.

I can feel Christian's entire body respond to me, and he carefully pulls me on top of him. His fingers tangle into my hair as his tongue dances with mine. Soon Christian pulls my shirt of and ghosts his hand up my torso and to my breasts, cupping both of them.

"These are mine, Anastasia. Understand?" My libido rages with his words.

"Always, Christian."

Christian's hands move south, and he moves my panties to the side to trace up and down my sex. As his fingers brush over my clitoris I feel like I could combust.

"And this. This is mine too…" He thrusts two of his fingers inside of me, wiggling them, coaxing a moan from my lips.

"Yes…" I breath, and it's almost a plea. Christian pulls his fingers from me and lowers his own sweat pants before thrusting up into me, my panties pushed to the side. I let out a cry as I feel him fill me, and he silences me by putting his two fingers into my mouth.

"Suck…" He demands, as his other hand rests on my hip, gripping my skin as he thrusts upward into me. I obey and suck myself off of his fingers.

"Good girl." He says, as he removes his fingers from inside of me. "Now, Anastasia, I want you to ride me."

I start to move on Christian, reveling in the deep sensations that he gives me. Christian thrusts in time with me, and it isn't long before I'm on the edge. Instead of coaxing me to my orgasm like usual, Christian sits up and wraps his arms around my waist. My hands move to his shoulders as I sit on his lap, still moving in a steady rhythm. Christian leans in to nip and suck my earlobe before he whispers.

"I love you, Anastasia." And his words are my undoing. I erupt around him, letting out a cry of pleasure and relief, and with one upward thrust he finds his release, and we are both just sensation and heavy breathing.


	3. Chapter 3

My last hour of work drags on. Friday has finally come, and I am looking forward to a quiet weekend with Christian. I shut down my desktop computer and turn off the lights to my office before saying goodbye to Hannah and meeting Christian outside of SIP.

As I climb into the SUV, I notice that Christian is not present as he had been all week.

"Taylor, where's Christian?"

"He's at a meeting about Grey Publishing, Mrs. Grey. He told me he should be home shortly after you are."

Oh.

I can't help but frown, still unsure about changing the name of SIP.

_This is for SIP, you dumb bitch!_

I shudder as I recall the incident with Jack Hyde. Am I ruining the company like he implied I was?

_No. _My subconscious has put her foot down. _You work twice as hard as he ever did. You deserve this more than anybody._

But I still have my doubts. Would I be in this position if it wasn't for Christian?

The truth is, I would probably be just like Elizibeth was - subject to Hyde's every will. I cringe to think of what would have happened if I had went on the trip to New York with him.

When we get back to Escala I am famished and I head to the kitchen. Ms. Jones is waiting for me, offering me a warm smile as I sit down at the breakfast bar.

"Ana, can I fetch you something to eat?" I notice she only calls me by my first name when Christian isn't here. _Odd._

"Oh, yes, please." I grin, my mouth already watering. "Can I have some chocolate chip waffles?"

Ms. Jones smiles at me and gets to work on making the waffles as I hear the elevator ding from the foyer, signalling Christian's arrival. I smile at him as he walks into the kitchen.

"Something smells delicious" He says with a tired smile.

"It's chocolate chip waffles, requested by Mrs. Grey, would you like me to make you a plate?"

"Yes please."

Christian sits beside me and takes my hand, bringing it to his lips as his gray eyes keep contact with mine. My inner goddess swoons at the gesture.

"How was work today, Mrs. Grey?"

"It was well, what about you, Mr. Grey?"

"It was… busy." He sighs, sounding exasperated. "But we're well on our way to legally changing SIP's name and making it officially yours"

I give Christian a nervous smile and he changes the subject.

"Are you looking forward to the benefit party tonight?"

The benefit party? _Shit! _I completely forgot about Christian's mother's Sick Kids benefit that I told her we would go to. I sigh, far too exhausted for a party.

"Christian, I don't have anything to wear."

"Caroline went shopping and found you a dress for this evening. We don't have to stay long," he says, surveying me.

Oh yes, I have a personal shopper. Even now, I'm still getting used to this lifestyle. I smile at Christian as Ms. Jones places my plate in front of me.

"If it wasn't for you, Christian, I wouldn't remember a thing."

Christian playfully snorts at me.

"Yeah, we realized that a few weeks too late." I know he is talking about my failure to remember my appointments for my contraceptive. I still haven't told him that it was actually Hannah's fault. I laugh and roll my eyes as I take a mouthful of my waffles.

* * *

I hardly recognize myself as I look at my reflection in the full length mirror. The dress Caroline picked out for me fits perfectly, and flatters my body shape. It is a blue strapless dress with a heart shaped bodice and a floor length skirt. There is green beading that starts heavily at the top, and slowly disperses as you look further down the dress. I have put my hair up and I am wearing the bracelet that Christian bought me on our honeymoon.

Caroline also picked out matching blue louboutin shoes that are covered in crystals. I haven't worn an outfit this expensive since my wedding night.

Christian walks into our bedroom and his mouth falls open as he looks me up and down.

"Mrs. Grey, you look stunning."

I feel myself blush as I look over at Christian and pick up my matching clutch purse. He looks wonderful, as always, in a gray suit and tie.

"As do you, Mr. Grey."

Christian steps towards me and gives me a chaste kiss on the lips.

"You have no idea how much I want to strip this dress off of you right now."

I look up at Christian with wide eyes.

"Ana, stop biting your lip … It's time to go"

* * *

Christian and I are on our way to the party. Taylor is driving like usual and I am holding Christian's hand in the back seat, as if we were teenagers.

"If it's a boy, I think we should name it after you."

Christian turns and gives me a quizzical look before realization sets in to his features.

"Why?"

"I don't know… lots of people name their sons after them. Christian Jr."

Christian frowns at me, as if he doesn't understand why I would want to name our child after him. I squeeze his hand tighter as we keep driving. After a few moments Christian sighs and finally speaks up.

"Christian Jr?"

"Yes"

"If you like it, okay."

I smile at Christian and kiss him on the cheek as the SUV pulls up to Christian's parents' house.

* * *

I knew that there was going to be a big turn out for the event, but I didn't know that _this _many people were going to attend. Because the weather is warm they Greys are hosting the event in a huge event tent outside, which has a built in floor so that the women's heels don't sink into the ground. I take a nervous step closer to Christian as I try and find familiar faces. Soon I recognize Mia and Ethan walking towards us holding hands.

"Ana! It's great to see you!" Mia beams at me, wearing a short pink dress and a pair of sky-high silver stilettos.

"Hi Mia." I smile as she hugs me and then Christian.

After a few minutes of chatting with Mia and Ethan I see Kate and Elliot out of the corner of my eye. I smile at Christian, Mia holding him captive with a story about her friends, and go to meet Kate.

"Ana! Are you ready for the Carribian?" Kate sounds extremely excited as she pulls me into a hug, and Elliot pouts at her.

"Are you sure I can't come with you, baby? I'll stay out of your hair."

"I told you, Elliot, this is girl time."

Elliot gives Kate his best puppydog eyes and I can't help but to laugh. Kate grins at me and I suddenly feel emotional. I miss spending time with her.

Soon I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn around to see Carrick smiling at me. Grace soon joins him and the five of us talk about Kate and Elliot's upcoming wedding. Our conversation is cut short, however, by the MC announcing that dinner will be served shortly and that we should be returning to our tables. As if on cue I feel Christian's familiar grasp on the small of my back.

"Come on, our table's near the front."

* * *

Christian eyes my barely touched plate as the waiters come to take everybody's plates at the end of the meal. Although I was starving when the meal was first presented, my apitite vanished after a few bites of my meal as a dull ache set into the pit of my stomach. I nod to a waiter as he asks me if I am finished my meal. Christian frowns.

"Ana, you have to eat."

"I just don't feel well. I'll eat when we get back home."

"Do you want to go now?"

"No, it's not that bad."

Christian gives me a look before his lip rises in a smirk. One of his hands move to my thigh as he leans in to whisper in my ear.

"When we do go home, I know the best kind of pain relief."

I squirm in my seat and as I rub my thighs together I feel wetness. _Already, Ana!? _My subconscious is glaring at my inability to contain my arousal, while my inner goddess licks her lips with Christian's comment. As a live band starts playing a soft melody, Christian pulls away and smiles down at me.

"Shall we dance, Anastasia?"

Christian helps me out of my seat and leads me to the middle of the dance floor, taking my waist in one hand and my hand in the other. I clasp my hand with his and move my other hand to rest on his shoulder as he starts to sway us to the music. The cramping in my stomach starts to get worse and I clutch more onto Christian. A few moments later Mia is grabbing onto my arm.

"Ana, can I talk to you?"

I break away from Christian and Mia pulls me a few feet away from Christian. I wonder what could possibly be such a secret as she leans in to whisper in my ear.

"Um, Ana, I don't know if you knew this, but I think you're bleeding through your dress"

_Bleeding? What does she mean? _

_OH._

I look at her in horror before I look at Christian. He seems to know something is wrong and I hold up one finger to signal that I need a minute. I rush to the washrooms, Mia behind me, and I quickly dodge into a stall.

_Bleeding? I can't be bleeding. I'm pregnant. I must have just sat in something. _

I hike up the skirt of my dress and pull down my lace panties. What I see makes me physically ill.

The cramping, the wetness between my legs… it makes sense now.

I am bleeding.

I am bleeding a lot.

_Little Blip!_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

First off I wan't to apologize for how long it took to publish this chapter. I have final exams and my final research papers all around this time so it's quite busy for me to have time to write things for myself. I have all of my ideas for this fanfiction in a notebook, it just takes me some time to actually write it out on paper, and with so many assignments going on it's hard to find the time. That being said, with the way I ended this chapter I would like to have another one finished and uploaded over the weekend for you guys.

I also want to thank you all SO SO much for the amazing feedback I have been getting from you. Your feedback is what keeps me writing, and getting new reviews honestly puts such a big smile on my face. Your reviews make my writing feel validated, so thank you all from the bottom of my heart! xx

PS. Sorry for no lemons in this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING**

I don't know if this quite calls for a trigger warning, but just in case here it is. At the end of this chapter there is a conversation about implied rape. Although it isn't an in depth conversation, it may offend or be triggering for certain people. Just a warning! x

* * *

"Are you okay, Ana?"

Mia's voice sounds distant as I stare at my underwear in utter disbelief and horror. I knew that some spotting was a normal occurance when you are pregnant, but this is much more than a little spotting.

"Ana?"

Who do I ask for help? Christian? _No, Grace. She's a doctor._

"Um, Mia, can you get your mom for me?"

"Yeah of course … Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine, Mia, please can you just get Grace?"

I can hear Mia leave and then I hear the bathroom door open.

"Grace?"

"No, it's me, is everything alright?" I frown as I hear Christian's voice and tears pool in my eyes. It's not just my little blip, its _our _little blip.

"Ana, are you okay? Talk to me." Christian's voice is stern yet concerned.

"D-did Mia go to get your mother?"

As if on cue I hear the bathroom door open again.

"Ana, honey, what do you need? Christian, wait outside." It is Grace.

"I'm not leaving until I know what's going on."

"Christian, I said go." Grace's voice takes on a more demanding tone and I can hear the door open as Christian leaves, growling something under his breath.

"It's just me and you now, Ana. What is wrong? Mia looked very concerned."

I shuffle my wet underwear back on because I don't know what else to do with them and slowly open the bathroom stall door. Grace seems to understand as she sees the tears that have escaped my eyes. I am embarrassed at my state and I hope she doesn't ask to see anything.

"Grace, I'm bleeding a lot…"

Grace pulls me into a sympathetic hug and I instantly know that there is nothing that she can do. I weep into her shoulder at the loss of my unborn child.

_My blip. My Christian Jr. Never even got to see the world._

"Are you okay if I leave to go and get you some clean clothes, Ana? I won't be long."

I rub my nose on the back of my hand, feeling like a trainwreck as I nod. All I want now is the comfort of my husband.

"That's fine. Can you let Christian in here, please?"

"Of course, dear."

As Grace leaves me alone I try to collect myself but ultimately fail. _Pull yourself together, Ana. It wasn't even a planned pregnancy._ A few moments later Christian is inside, pulling me into his arms.

"Oh Ana, I'm so sorry. My mother told me."

I try to formulate a response but all that come are more tears. Loud, messy tears, and they won't stop. Christian holds me like a wounded animal, caressing my hair to try and calm me down.

When I finally look up at Christian I can see the remorse in his eyes, and I know he didn't want this to happen either.

"They can't be sure until they do another ultrasound…"

"I don't want another ultrasound." My voice is weak and unlike myself.

"Ana…"

Grace re-enters the room carrying a bag full of clothes. I re-enter the bathroom stall and open the bag. Grace has given me a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, a fresh pair of underwear, and an overnight maxi pad. I shuffle my dress off and change into the new clothing, slowly starting to feel a bit better. I stuff my dress back into the bag and simply throw my underwear into the trash bin, covered in a few layers of toilet paper.

As I exit the bathroom stall I find myself in Christian's strong arms again. He places a soft kiss on my forehead and I try to think of why this happened to us. Sure, we weren't completely ready for this, but what parent's truly are?

"I have Taylor waiting for us at the front." Christian shuffles off his suit jacket and places it over my shoulders. "It's chilly out there."

* * *

I feel numb as I sit in the back of the SUV. Christian has tried everything to try and bring me back to reality but I can't bring myself to accept the fact that our little blip is gone. Christian had called Dr. Green as soon as we got in the car and had an emergency appointment booked for us. It didn't tell us more than what I already knew – my pregnancy had been lost. Now, on our way back to Escala, I just feel cold. Christian sits with an arm wrapped around me. He looks more broken than I thought he would, and I realize that even though he didn't admit to it in so many words, he was warming up to the idea of being a father.

"I'm sorry, Christian" I finally speak up, not being able to look at my husband. Christian Shifts and moves his hand to my chin, carefully averting my gaze up to him.

"Don't you dare apologize, Anastasia. This isn't anyone's fault." His words cause unwelcome tears to spring back to my eyes, and I finally surrender to Christian's attempts, curling into his embrace as he tells me that everything will be okay.

* * *

When I wake up it is still dark outside, and Christian is nowhere to be found. I hear the piano from the living room, but I can't bring myself to go and listen to his sad song. I need a shower.

As I sit up I feel the dull ache in my stomach and frown. I walk into the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet. _Now that I'm not pregnant these can't hurt. _I take three ibuprofen without water.

I discard my clothes and am somewhat relieved to find that my post-miscarriage flow has slowed down. As I step into the hot shower I feel relieved, and I imagine myself washing off my negative thoughts. Although I still have a heavy heart, I leave the bathroom in a much lighter mood.

I change into a silk nightgown and matching robe, slowly making my way downstairs towards the sound of the sad piano song.

I find Christian the way I knew I would, only wearing his sweatpants as he sits on the piano bench. I slowly make my way over and sit beside him, and for once, he doesn't stop playing when I make my presence known. He looks deep in thought as he presses the keys, as if he doesn't even notice me. Suddenly he slams his fists down on the keys, making a horrendous noise, startling me. It's only then that I see his face.

Christian is crying.

_Woah. _

I slowly move my hand up to trace his beautiful face, and he flinches with my touch, but seems to relax when he locks eye contact with me. His Grey eyes look broken. I had no idea this would affect him so much.

"Ana…"

"Christian… I'm here, don't cry."

I wrap my arms around Christian's body and he completely submits to me, becoming smaller than he actually is as he rests his head on my chest. I stroke his hair, and we sit just like this for what feels like hours.

"Ana, I'm sorry I yelled at you when you found out you were pregnant. I'm sorry I left you that night."

With his words I recall him yelling at me and telling me I was stupid for forgetting my shot, and then leaving me alone while he drank with Mrs. Robinson … Elena.

"Christian, I've already forgiven you for that."

"I know, but I'm still sorry."

I frown and kiss the top of Christian's head.

"And I still forgive you."

With my words Christian falls silent and I simply hold him, methodically rocking us back and forth. After a few minutes I finally speak up again.

"Come on, let's go back to bed."

I keep my arm wrapped around Christian as we walk back to our bedroom. As we both crawl in bed I pull the soft duvet over us as Christian rests his head on my chest. We both lay awake for a few moments.

"Ana?"

"Yes?"

"Can we try to have another baby?"

I quickly sit up and stare at Christian in the dark. He wants to try for a baby? My inner goddess is jumping up and down at the idea of making another baby with Christian, but my subconscious is unsure.

"I thought you said you weren't ready?"

"I wasn't ready." Christian sits up as well and moves his hand to the side of my neck. "But jesus, Ana, when I found out you miscarried…" He trails off as I stare at him, shocked.

"I don't know, Christian. A baby is…"

Christian cuts me off.

"Think about it. Please, Ana, think about it."

_Oh god, this is going to be just like his proposal._

"I'll think about it."

* * *

The next two weeks drag on and as the weekend approaches I get more and more excited about my trip with Kate, and by Thursday I am on my toes, waiting for Saturday morning. Having no appointments today I can finally get to work on reading some more manuscripts – work I actually enjoy. A few hours into the day I get an email from Christian.

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Missing you

Date: October 10, 2011 11:26

To: Anastasia Grey

Just wanted to say I missed you.

Ps. Have you thought at all about a baby?

Hoping-to-be-father Christian Grey, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

I shake my head as I read his email, but a smile tugs at the corners of my lips.

From: Anastasia Grey

Subject: Didn't you say…

Date: October 10, 2011 11:29

To: Christian Grey

… That these kinds of issues shouldn't be talked about over email?

I miss you too. Give me time.

Anastasia Grey, Commissioning Editor SIP

I hear another email come in but I ignore it in favour of my work, deciding I will respond on my lunch break.

A few moments later there is a knock on my office door and Hannah opens it.

"Mrs. Grey… Um, Ana, there is someone here to see you."

I furrow my eyebrows. I wasn't supposed to have any appointments.

"Who is it?"

"It's a girl. Brunette. She says her name is Amy."

I become more puzzled.

"She says that she sent you a letter telling you she would be coming."

Oh shit. I completely forgot about the unaddressed letter I received on my first day back to work.

_I will be there soon to help you. _

I nod at Hannah as I nervously play with the pen in my hands.

"Bring her in, Hannah."

She closes the door as she leaves and I wait, wondering who it could be. Something tells me it's not a want-to-be author.

A few minutes later the door opens again and a beautiful brunette enters the room. Her eyes are a bright green surrounded by charcoal eyeliner. Her lips are painted a dark red and her hair is in a single braid that falls down her back. I say nothing.

"He was the inspiration for it." She plays with her hair as she looks at me and I swallow as she shuts the door.

"You look nervous. I'm not here to hurt you."

Her slim figure sits down on the chair and she crosses her legs. She is wearing a tight fitting blouse and dress pants.

"Amy, was it?" My voice wavers and I try to look calm. I already know who she is. She tilts her head with a nasty smile.

"Right, Mrs. Grey."

"And let me guess, you're one of Christian's…?"

"One of the first." As she smiles I can see her makeup crease around her eyes. _She's older than him. _

"And why are you here?" I ask, impatient. Why do they always show up at my work? I recall Leela in my meeting room and inwardly cringe.

"I already told you. Didn't you get my letter?"

"Why do you assume I need help?" I ask and she snorts, rolling her eyes as she looks away, disgusted.

"You married the fucker. I thought before kids got involved I would warn you about some things."

I already know what she is going to tell me, but I still tap my fingers against my desk nervously.

"I know what I'm getting into."

"Do you now?" Her blood red lips tilt up in amusement. "When you first met Mr. Grey, you read the contract?"

I now get uncomfortable. I don't like thinking about my Christian engaging in kinky fuckery with other women. Especially beautiful older women.

"Yes I have, but I don't see how that is any of your business."

She nods and leans back in her chair.

"When you first read it, was there anything you found odd? That you thought shouldn't need to be on there? Say…the part about loaning the submissive to other dominants?"

My mouth goes dry as I look at her.

"What are you saying?"

She gives me medusa's look and I feel as if I have been turned to stone.

"I didn't have a contract. Those rules were inspired by problems he had with me."

_Jesus Christ._

* * *

**AUTHORS NOTE BEFORE YOU ALL FREAK OUT ON ME FOR THAT ENDING:**

Okay, so while I was writing the end of this chapter I realized a lot of you may get upset with how this new sub is making Christian seem like an terrible human being. I want to remind you that this IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY. If it really bugs you you can PM me and I will explain to you what happens (but that would be a spoiler so do it at your own risk). I love Christian as much as all of you, trust me, this is not the end of this discussion about the new sub and what happened with that particular part of the contract.

xx

Emily

PS. Sorry about how slow my updates are. Exams are killing me!


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